When Do We Learn To Be Objects?

At what age, do young girls start to see themselves as objects? When did I start to be ashamed of my own body and see my arms and legs and breasts as objects rather than as parts of myself?

Perhaps it was when I was playing with my Barbie dolls. I swapped them in and out of various dresses. I moved their legs the way I wanted. I styled their hair the way I wanted and their bodies went where I wanted them to go. Maybe I saw myself as a Barbie doll.

Maybe it was in 5th grade when our principle informed the students that we were no longer able to wear sweatpants with words across the butt. Only the girls were told, not the boys. All I had wanted for Christmas that year was Victoria Secret Pink brand sweats. All the older girls in my family had them. But I wouldn't be able to wear them. Apparently four letters scripted across my ass was just too much for the boys at school. Even though in class I would be sitting on said four letters and trying to learn. I guess the time in between classes when I would walk to my locker to get more books was enough to distract my male classmates for the entirety of the school year.

The message may have really hit home in middle school. My friend had bra straps showing. Too much thigh showing, apparently. She didn't have anything else to change into so she was sent home. I repeat, she was sent home. My friend missed a full day of classes, missed out on her education because some administrator somewhere decided that her education was less important than a student who couldn't keep his eyes off of her pink bra straps rather than the math problem on the white board. And that is messed up.

When did I start to see myself as an object? Realizing that I had to 'cover' my body to ensure that I wasn't 'asking' for unwanted attention or advances. Knowing that I could be seen as less than a full human. Seen as only a baby maker or somewhere to insert an erection or a nag who bleeds once a month and turns into a massive bitch because of this.

When will I see myself as something more? Not worry about the shape of my thighs and hope that they meet the ideal beauty standards. Not try on three different skirts in the morning wondering what was appropriate to wear to class. Not try to distinguish the difference between the right amount of boobs to display on a night out so that I didn't look like a prude but not too much that I looked like a whore.

When will it end? And when will we stop teaching girls they're objects in the first place?

Review of milk and honey

This week, I read the book milk and honey by the writer and artist Rupi Kaur. This book is an excellent piece from both a literary standpoint and from a feminist point of view. That's why I loved this book.

The book consists of poems written and illustrated by the author. The poems are broken up into four sections entitled "the hurting," "the loving," "the breaking," and "the healing." The book takes the reader on a journey through the narrator's struggle with physical and emotional abuse, navigating her first romantic relationship after this abuse, losing love and healing after this love is lost. I will warn you though, some of the poems can be quite upsetting and may be triggers if you have suffered from sexual assault or abuse. But overall, I think the book is definitely worth a read.

The following are a few of my favorite poems from various sections of the book to whet your appetite :)

 

 

 

 

The writing is raw and sometimes hard to handle. But it is a refreshing take on reclaiming your body and your femininity. The poems are short and it is a quick read. I hope that anyone who reads it enjoys the book as much as I did!

 

If any of you have read the book, comment with your opinions below. Also, feel free to comment any other book suggestions for us to read and review.



 

 

Music Mondays

Happy Monday! This song is a few years old but it is still one of my favorite songs to pump me up on a Monday morning. Enjoy!

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder,
What it would be like to be a boy.
And not because of the whole peeing while standing up thing,
Or the fact that I wouldn't need to get up an hour earlier
To straighten my hair
And paint my face on.
But mostly, I wonder at night.
I can't imagine what it would be like,
To be walking alone across campus, heading to a friend's house,
At 9:30 in the dark,
And not be nervous.
Not be clutching my bag,
Quickening my step,
Eyeing who is walking next to me.
To not count my drinks once I get to my friend's,
To not be embarrassed when I ask for a guy I trust to walk me home,
So I'm not alone past midnight.
It seems crazy to me.
To just walk and wander and not worry,
About who may be following you,
If your purse looks appealing to a thief,
If your shorts will draw the wrong kind of attention this time of day.

It must be nice.

Music Mondays

Happy Monday everyone! Hope this week is great and that y'all enjoy one of my new favorite songs by Daya.

The Cost of Looking 'Pretty'

Girls are called high maintenance. We are teased for how long it takes us to get ready for a night out on the town. But whose fault is that? Because, in my opinion, there is a definite reason that I wear make-up while my brothers don't and it has nothing to do with my reproductive parts.

We are socialized as children to accept flaws in males' skin and not in females. We are taught that boys do not wear foundation, do not know how to put on eyeliner, and are not to paint their nails. That is for girls and that is what girls need to do to look like attractive females. So what does all this amount to? I decided to analyze my own 'beauty regime' to investigate.

*Note: This is what I personally do most days to get ready even if all I'm doing that day is going to class or grabbing lunch with my roomies.

Hair

I've only recently accepted wearing my hair naturally. And by naturally, I mean braiding it the day before so it looks like a mermaid's (at least in my mind) or putting in some product to make the curls less frizzy. But my favorite look is straight hair so that's what I'm including for this analysis.

Conair 1875 Watt Styler Hair Dryer
Priced $34.99

Rusk Engineering Heat Freak Flat Iron
Priced $69.99

Garnier Fructis Style Flat Iron Perfector  
Priced $4.29

Total Cost: $109.27
Total Time Allotted Per Day: around 30-60 minutes

Everyday Make-Up

Clinique Redness Solutions Makeup Foundation
Priced $27.00

Various brushes and sponge applique
Basic Ulta Brush Set Priced $17.99
Sponge Priced $20.00

Naked eye shadow palette
Priced $54.00

Covergirl Professional mascara
Priced $5.24

Maybelline Eyes Studio master precise liner 
Priced $7.99

Covergirl Colorlicious Lip Gloss
Priced $5.64

Total Cost: $137.86
Total Time Allotted Per Day: 10-20 minutes

Taking it all Off and Prepping for Tomorrow

Clinique Take The Day Off Makeup Remover
Priced $19.00

Aveeno Clear Complexion Foam Cleanser
Priced $5.99

Clinique Redness Solutions Daily Relief Cream
Priced $48.00

Total Cost: $72.00
Total Time Allotted Per Day: 5-10 minutes


Of course, the higher priced items like the flat iron and eye shadow palette I use every day and they last a while, but the total cost of making myself feel presentable is still ridiculous. And this list doesn't include miscellaneous prices like getting my hair cut and colored, buying nail polish, razors and shaving cream, or even the additional clothes I have to purchase (I'm talking about you, bras!) that are more expensive that what boys are expected to wear.

Overall, I don't anticipate changing my makeup regime but it does get me thinking. By not caring about looking like a conventional beautiful girl, I could save myself over $250 and gain an hour of my day. An hour I could spend watching more trashy television shows, studying for biology tests, or solving the world's problems. But alas, I'll probably still be spending it perfect my cat-eye (still have yet to master it!).

Stanford Sexual Assault Case and its Implications

TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains content about sexual assault. 

Unless you have been offline for the past few weeks, you have probably read about the case of a male sexually assaulting an unconscious female. Of course, a lot of the papers described it as a Stanford athletic with record swim times being accused of rape. Not that his athleticism probably made the victim feel any better after the trauma she experienced.

The male, Brock Turner, was found sexually assaulting an unconscious woman's body behind a dumpster when he was attacked by two men, trying to protect the victim. A year later, the court declared his guilt, but Brock Turner was only sentenced to six months due to prison possibly having a "severe impact" on Brock. Brock, his lawyer, and his father seem to be confused about who the victim is in the situation.

It shocks me how much this case sickens me because it is quite an exceptional case. A female was sexually assaulted, with the male intending rape, she tried the case, and she won. That, in and of itself, is exceptional. But Brock and his father's 'defenses' and claims of Brock being the victim are enough to make me want to punch someone... preferably one of them. Brock and his father are the personalization of the horror of rape culture in our society.

Here is a link to the father's comments. He basically says that his poor son has been horribly affected by the events that occurred last year. He uses the words 'events' clearly avoiding that his son was the criminal. He was the assaulter. The father says that only six months of prison "seems a steep price to pay for twenty minutes of action." I literally almost have to laugh at this because it seems so ridiculous! Twenty minutes of action that traumatized this young woman, caused her to feel unsafe and unvalued. Twenty minutes where your son took advantage of an unconscious human being then spent a year trying to convince a jury that it was her fault and that she probably wanted to have sex.

Both of these men try to argue that alcohol was the main criminal here. That Brock had too much to drink and they promise to start a program going to schools warning of the horrors of binge drinking. If they go to my hometown's high school, I will be visiting and I will not be a pleasant participant. Because I'm sorry, alcohol is no excuse. We've all done stupid things due to drinking too much alcohol, myself included. We've gotten sick, we've drunk called an ex, tripped, lost our car keys. These are accidents that we hate ourselves for during our hangovers. Sexual assault and rape are NOT accidents. Alcohol never excuses them.

The beautifully written response by the victim herself discusses their confusion the best. What she seems most upset about, and what we all should be most upset about, is how Brock Turner still seems confused as to his role in all of this. He still refuses to admit culpability. Neither will his father. It makes me wonder if the father would excuse "twenty minutes of action" if it was his son or wife who were the victims in this case. I understand that no parent wants to hear that their child has done heinous things, but excusing it as an alcohol-induced indiscretion is offensive to both the victim, her family, and sexual assault victims everywhere.

And this is more than a singular incident that has gained media attention. It shows how broken our society is. We continuously teach young women not to get raped - not to drink too much, never walk alone, don't wear anything too revealing to draw the wrong attention. Yet what we should be doing is teaching people not to rape. Because honestly, as awful as it sounds there is not much telling people not to rape. Very few cases are brought to court, most cases side with the perpetrator, and as this case shows, even if you are unlikely convicted, your sentence will not necessarily match your crime. This sentence of six months does not send the message that rape is seen as a serious crime in America. And that does not make me feel safe as a woman.