When Do We Learn To Be Objects?

At what age, do young girls start to see themselves as objects? When did I start to be ashamed of my own body and see my arms and legs and breasts as objects rather than as parts of myself?

Perhaps it was when I was playing with my Barbie dolls. I swapped them in and out of various dresses. I moved their legs the way I wanted. I styled their hair the way I wanted and their bodies went where I wanted them to go. Maybe I saw myself as a Barbie doll.

Maybe it was in 5th grade when our principle informed the students that we were no longer able to wear sweatpants with words across the butt. Only the girls were told, not the boys. All I had wanted for Christmas that year was Victoria Secret Pink brand sweats. All the older girls in my family had them. But I wouldn't be able to wear them. Apparently four letters scripted across my ass was just too much for the boys at school. Even though in class I would be sitting on said four letters and trying to learn. I guess the time in between classes when I would walk to my locker to get more books was enough to distract my male classmates for the entirety of the school year.

The message may have really hit home in middle school. My friend had bra straps showing. Too much thigh showing, apparently. She didn't have anything else to change into so she was sent home. I repeat, she was sent home. My friend missed a full day of classes, missed out on her education because some administrator somewhere decided that her education was less important than a student who couldn't keep his eyes off of her pink bra straps rather than the math problem on the white board. And that is messed up.

When did I start to see myself as an object? Realizing that I had to 'cover' my body to ensure that I wasn't 'asking' for unwanted attention or advances. Knowing that I could be seen as less than a full human. Seen as only a baby maker or somewhere to insert an erection or a nag who bleeds once a month and turns into a massive bitch because of this.

When will I see myself as something more? Not worry about the shape of my thighs and hope that they meet the ideal beauty standards. Not try on three different skirts in the morning wondering what was appropriate to wear to class. Not try to distinguish the difference between the right amount of boobs to display on a night out so that I didn't look like a prude but not too much that I looked like a whore.

When will it end? And when will we stop teaching girls they're objects in the first place?

Review of milk and honey

This week, I read the book milk and honey by the writer and artist Rupi Kaur. This book is an excellent piece from both a literary standpoint and from a feminist point of view. That's why I loved this book.

The book consists of poems written and illustrated by the author. The poems are broken up into four sections entitled "the hurting," "the loving," "the breaking," and "the healing." The book takes the reader on a journey through the narrator's struggle with physical and emotional abuse, navigating her first romantic relationship after this abuse, losing love and healing after this love is lost. I will warn you though, some of the poems can be quite upsetting and may be triggers if you have suffered from sexual assault or abuse. But overall, I think the book is definitely worth a read.

The following are a few of my favorite poems from various sections of the book to whet your appetite :)

 

 

 

 

The writing is raw and sometimes hard to handle. But it is a refreshing take on reclaiming your body and your femininity. The poems are short and it is a quick read. I hope that anyone who reads it enjoys the book as much as I did!

 

If any of you have read the book, comment with your opinions below. Also, feel free to comment any other book suggestions for us to read and review.



 

 

Music Mondays

Happy Monday! This song is a few years old but it is still one of my favorite songs to pump me up on a Monday morning. Enjoy!

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder,
What it would be like to be a boy.
And not because of the whole peeing while standing up thing,
Or the fact that I wouldn't need to get up an hour earlier
To straighten my hair
And paint my face on.
But mostly, I wonder at night.
I can't imagine what it would be like,
To be walking alone across campus, heading to a friend's house,
At 9:30 in the dark,
And not be nervous.
Not be clutching my bag,
Quickening my step,
Eyeing who is walking next to me.
To not count my drinks once I get to my friend's,
To not be embarrassed when I ask for a guy I trust to walk me home,
So I'm not alone past midnight.
It seems crazy to me.
To just walk and wander and not worry,
About who may be following you,
If your purse looks appealing to a thief,
If your shorts will draw the wrong kind of attention this time of day.

It must be nice.

Music Mondays

Happy Monday everyone! Hope this week is great and that y'all enjoy one of my new favorite songs by Daya.

The Cost of Looking 'Pretty'

Girls are called high maintenance. We are teased for how long it takes us to get ready for a night out on the town. But whose fault is that? Because, in my opinion, there is a definite reason that I wear make-up while my brothers don't and it has nothing to do with my reproductive parts.

We are socialized as children to accept flaws in males' skin and not in females. We are taught that boys do not wear foundation, do not know how to put on eyeliner, and are not to paint their nails. That is for girls and that is what girls need to do to look like attractive females. So what does all this amount to? I decided to analyze my own 'beauty regime' to investigate.

*Note: This is what I personally do most days to get ready even if all I'm doing that day is going to class or grabbing lunch with my roomies.

Hair

I've only recently accepted wearing my hair naturally. And by naturally, I mean braiding it the day before so it looks like a mermaid's (at least in my mind) or putting in some product to make the curls less frizzy. But my favorite look is straight hair so that's what I'm including for this analysis.

Conair 1875 Watt Styler Hair Dryer
Priced $34.99

Rusk Engineering Heat Freak Flat Iron
Priced $69.99

Garnier Fructis Style Flat Iron Perfector  
Priced $4.29

Total Cost: $109.27
Total Time Allotted Per Day: around 30-60 minutes

Everyday Make-Up

Clinique Redness Solutions Makeup Foundation
Priced $27.00

Various brushes and sponge applique
Basic Ulta Brush Set Priced $17.99
Sponge Priced $20.00

Naked eye shadow palette
Priced $54.00

Covergirl Professional mascara
Priced $5.24

Maybelline Eyes Studio master precise liner 
Priced $7.99

Covergirl Colorlicious Lip Gloss
Priced $5.64

Total Cost: $137.86
Total Time Allotted Per Day: 10-20 minutes

Taking it all Off and Prepping for Tomorrow

Clinique Take The Day Off Makeup Remover
Priced $19.00

Aveeno Clear Complexion Foam Cleanser
Priced $5.99

Clinique Redness Solutions Daily Relief Cream
Priced $48.00

Total Cost: $72.00
Total Time Allotted Per Day: 5-10 minutes


Of course, the higher priced items like the flat iron and eye shadow palette I use every day and they last a while, but the total cost of making myself feel presentable is still ridiculous. And this list doesn't include miscellaneous prices like getting my hair cut and colored, buying nail polish, razors and shaving cream, or even the additional clothes I have to purchase (I'm talking about you, bras!) that are more expensive that what boys are expected to wear.

Overall, I don't anticipate changing my makeup regime but it does get me thinking. By not caring about looking like a conventional beautiful girl, I could save myself over $250 and gain an hour of my day. An hour I could spend watching more trashy television shows, studying for biology tests, or solving the world's problems. But alas, I'll probably still be spending it perfect my cat-eye (still have yet to master it!).

Stanford Sexual Assault Case and its Implications

TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains content about sexual assault. 

Unless you have been offline for the past few weeks, you have probably read about the case of a male sexually assaulting an unconscious female. Of course, a lot of the papers described it as a Stanford athletic with record swim times being accused of rape. Not that his athleticism probably made the victim feel any better after the trauma she experienced.

The male, Brock Turner, was found sexually assaulting an unconscious woman's body behind a dumpster when he was attacked by two men, trying to protect the victim. A year later, the court declared his guilt, but Brock Turner was only sentenced to six months due to prison possibly having a "severe impact" on Brock. Brock, his lawyer, and his father seem to be confused about who the victim is in the situation.

It shocks me how much this case sickens me because it is quite an exceptional case. A female was sexually assaulted, with the male intending rape, she tried the case, and she won. That, in and of itself, is exceptional. But Brock and his father's 'defenses' and claims of Brock being the victim are enough to make me want to punch someone... preferably one of them. Brock and his father are the personalization of the horror of rape culture in our society.

Here is a link to the father's comments. He basically says that his poor son has been horribly affected by the events that occurred last year. He uses the words 'events' clearly avoiding that his son was the criminal. He was the assaulter. The father says that only six months of prison "seems a steep price to pay for twenty minutes of action." I literally almost have to laugh at this because it seems so ridiculous! Twenty minutes of action that traumatized this young woman, caused her to feel unsafe and unvalued. Twenty minutes where your son took advantage of an unconscious human being then spent a year trying to convince a jury that it was her fault and that she probably wanted to have sex.

Both of these men try to argue that alcohol was the main criminal here. That Brock had too much to drink and they promise to start a program going to schools warning of the horrors of binge drinking. If they go to my hometown's high school, I will be visiting and I will not be a pleasant participant. Because I'm sorry, alcohol is no excuse. We've all done stupid things due to drinking too much alcohol, myself included. We've gotten sick, we've drunk called an ex, tripped, lost our car keys. These are accidents that we hate ourselves for during our hangovers. Sexual assault and rape are NOT accidents. Alcohol never excuses them.

The beautifully written response by the victim herself discusses their confusion the best. What she seems most upset about, and what we all should be most upset about, is how Brock Turner still seems confused as to his role in all of this. He still refuses to admit culpability. Neither will his father. It makes me wonder if the father would excuse "twenty minutes of action" if it was his son or wife who were the victims in this case. I understand that no parent wants to hear that their child has done heinous things, but excusing it as an alcohol-induced indiscretion is offensive to both the victim, her family, and sexual assault victims everywhere.

And this is more than a singular incident that has gained media attention. It shows how broken our society is. We continuously teach young women not to get raped - not to drink too much, never walk alone, don't wear anything too revealing to draw the wrong attention. Yet what we should be doing is teaching people not to rape. Because honestly, as awful as it sounds there is not much telling people not to rape. Very few cases are brought to court, most cases side with the perpetrator, and as this case shows, even if you are unlikely convicted, your sentence will not necessarily match your crime. This sentence of six months does not send the message that rape is seen as a serious crime in America. And that does not make me feel safe as a woman.

Music Mondays

Happy Monday everyone! Hope you love this throwback Carrie Underwood song as much as I do :)

A Few Favorite Disney Quotes

Disney has given us some beautiful true love kisses and catchy songs. And they've even given us some fierce and inspiring female one liners. I've compiled a list of my favorites below :)

Hunchback of Notre Dame

Princess Diaries

 

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

 

Hercules

 

Mulan 2

 

Aristocats

 

Pocahontas

 

Lizzie McGuire

 

 

Obviously there are so many other amazing quotes that Disney females have said but these are just a handful of my favorites. Include some of yours in the comments below!



Music Mondays

Happy Monday everyone! This song is one of my favorites to jam out to while getting ready for the day. Hope you like it as much as I do :)

Bad Ass Girly Girls

There's a recent trend in TV, movies, and books to have a strong, female character. This trend has helped create fan favorites like Katniss, Tris, and Black Widow. These characters are strong - they save the world, busting ass and never worrying about their make up. But alas, we are not all like that. Nor should we be.

I wanted to take a moment to applaud the other strong female characters that have graced our screens and hearts. Those who are traditionally girly, who care about what to wear, what to say to boys. They did not have to be clad in all leather suits or carry bows and arrows to make a lasting impression. These are strong women who are bad ass simply because of their morals and their bravery to be soft in this cruel world.

Elle Woods from Legally Blonde

Elle is the picture perfect example of staying true to yourself. Her obsession with beautiful shoes and manicures never got in her way of being a fantastic lawyer and friend. Her positivity and enthusiasm are inspiring still.

Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You

Gigi has a lot of faults but she bravely admits to all of them and turns them into her strength. One of the best scenes in this movie is when Gigi stands up for herself and discovers she would rather be a hopeless romantic than cold.

Ella from the 2015 live action Cinderella

Ella's mantra, "We must simply have courage and be kind" teaches us all that bravery is more than marching into battle with our heads held high. Often, the bravest thing we can do is forgive those who have treated us poorly and be kind to all.

Giselle from Enchanted

Yes, she beats a dragon while looking beautiful in her purple gown. But what's even more impressive is that she teaches Patrick Dempsey's character into believing in magic and happily ever afters even in today's world.

Lizzie McGuire from Lizzie McGuire

Lizzie over and over again showed her watchers that growing up is hard, but that one can do it with grace and humor and a dazzling personality.

Quinn James from One Tree Hill

There are a lot of role model women in this show but Quinn is a personal favorite of mine. With a love of photography and sports, she helps Clay heal from the death of his loved one and assists her sister in recovering from depression. She is a bright light of hope and, in a more traditionally bad ass scene, she fights off a serial killer who attacks her in her beach house.

Kate Fitzgerald from My Sister's Keeper

Kate's story is beautiful in both the film and the novel. Having suffered her entire life from a cancer diagnosis, she remains a loyal and loving sister and daughter bravely pushing herself to find love and happiness in her short time left.

April Kepner from Grey's Anatomy

April Kepner can be irritating and I know that not all of the show's fans love her. But I do. She is emotional but she does everything she can to be a good friend and doctor. And [SPOILER ALERT] in the recent season finale, April showed the world just how strong she was in order to save her baby.

This list is certainly not all encompassing. These are some of my favorite ladies and I'd love to hear all of yours. Add your favorite bad-ass female characters in the comments!

~ Jenna

Music Mondays

Happy Monday everyone! And to all you Elon folks, happy last day of exams!

So Much Better - Legally Blonde The Musical

 

End of the Year Reflection

This piece was written for a college 'end of the year' reflection. Emma is our first (non-anonymous) contributor. Please welcome her with comments below and don't forget to check out the author bio.


The biggest change I experienced this year is that I now feel much more confident in my understanding of myself as an individual. Especially as a younger woman in the U.S., I feel constantly bombarded by images and ideas of what I should dress like and what I should be interested in. Even growing up in a household where I was told that I could become whatever I wanted, I still felt external pressure to conform to this idea of what a "perfect woman" is. After constantly measuring myself to this idea and being found wanting, I came to the realization that no real person can be everything that society says a woman should be. This idiosyncrasy becomes the most obvious to me when I look at how people online respond to fictional female characters. When Star Wars: The Force Awakens came out in December, I was really excited since I love Star Wars and a woman was finally the main character. If I was a kid now, Rey would be exactly the kind of role model I would have loved to have, precisely since she isn't perfect. Despite her prominence in the movie though, her character was initially excluded from Mattel Star Wars toys featuring the new movie and many people credited her (spoilers ahead!) defeat of Kylo Ren at the end of the movie as his intention to let her escape rather than as a result of her talent. It's very frustrating for me to live in a world where people belittle women's accomplishments, and while it may seem trivial to use a fictional character to make this point, I really think that we have the power to shape society through the movies and TV we create. Rey is such a marked improvement from the portrayal of women in the original Star Wars movies but there are still people in society who are unhappy that a woman was the lead of an action movie and tried to argue that she wasn't important to the story.

As a strong woman who comes from a family of strong women, I'm sad that I have to continue to live in a world where my accomplishments will be viewed as lesser and people will continue to ask why I don't have a boyfriend, as if that is the only accomplishment I could make that would be worthwhile. As much as all of that bothers me, I realized this year that I simply have to stop caring if I don't compare to that ideal woman. That isn't to say it won't continue to bother me that we live in a world where girls are still viewed as less, but it means I won't second guess my right to be in political science (a field which is still mainly dominated by men) or my ability to competently debate politics. I won't change myself to fit the tiny model society has created for me. It's hard to stand up and say that, and there are times I wish I was more stereotypically "girly," but this year I've realized that haters are always going to hate and I won't let them limit my potential.

By Emma Flaherty

Emma Flaherty is an avid reader of YA novels, debater of politics, and a future academic in the making who has contemplated how many years it is appropriate to dress up as Rey from Star Wars: The Force Awakens for Halloween in a row.

Music Mondays

A little pick-me-up song in case you've got the Monday blues :)

Happy Mother's Day!

We just want to wish a beautiful and happy Mother's Day to all the amazing mothers out there! And a special shout out to our mothers - Sherry and Michele! <3

~Nicole & Jenna

French Feminist Poetry?

Remember that French poem that I posted last week? I performed it at my class's event this past Thursday night and Jenna kindly took some video so that we could share it with all of you as well!

By Nicole

My Dilemma

I’m a newcomer when it comes to feminism. As Nicole (my bestie and co-editor) puts it, she has seen me have a “feminist awakening” over the past semester. And as a newcomer, I’m still discovering issues I did not know where there – ones that I’m not sure how to feel about.

Last Friday night, my sorority had our formal. I was sipping wine, chatting away with my date and friends when the DJ played a certain song.

“That’s my jam!” I cried out in all my glory, while I ran to the dance floor in my heels just in time to start booty shaking to the opening lines.

The song was “Get Low” by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz. A favorite of mine for at least six years now.

Monday morning, one of my classes was discussing pornographic images and gender representations in pop music and music videos. My professor called us out.

“What the hell are you guys listening to? What the hell are you buying?”

Well, now I’m looking at what the hell I’m listening to – what my jams are – and I don’t really know how to feel. The lyrics to "Get Low" refer to women as bitches and hoes. Some of the more heinous lines are as follows…

            “Pa pop your pussy like this”

“Now can I play with yo panty line club owner said I need to calm done security guard go to sweating”

“Let me see you get low you scared you scared”

“Pop that ass to the left and the right ya”

The song is catchy and has a great beat and it is super easy to dance to. But looking at these lyrics and the insinuations that this man is being aggressive with a female he obviously does not respect, it makes me wonder if I’m even allowed to like this song. Can I enjoy, support, and dance to a song that teaches women that dancing and twerking has to be done to please a man who refers to us as ‘bitches’ and ‘pussy?’ Is it okay for me to embrace my own sexuality while dancing to this song or does that invite men to treat me like the women in the song are treated – for them to see me as scared on the dance floor and them in a position of power to instruct me to “bend over?” Would I want my daughters to dance to this or my sons to sing along? Or am I just getting worked up over nothing?

These are not merely rhetorical questions. I honestly want your opinions. Like I said, I’m new to this and this topic of music with questionable lyrics has been on my mind. Because, as sad as it is to say, if I stop listening to music with any questionable lyrics, I feel like there won’t be much left!

Let me know how you all deal with this issue, what you think of these kinds of songs, and how you find a balance between appreciating music but still following your ideals in the comments below!

By Jenna

To the man I may one day love

To the man I may one day love,

            Please be patient with me. When I push you away, when I reinforce my old walls, when I doubt your intentions, be kind. I know it’s a lot to ask. I know I don’t make things easy. But it isn’t entirely my fault. I was not born with trust issues.

            At age ten, I was molested by a classmate at school. At the time, it made me cry and I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t understand what had happened to me and I tried to forget all about it. My best friend, however, understood and she told my teacher who called me a liar. Said I was desperate for attention. The memory has been pushed so far to the back of my mind that I don’t even remember all the details. But I can recall the anger, the fear, hiding out in a school bathroom for twenty minutes afterward. And his name. One I won’t forget.

            Six years later, my boyfriend’s best friend took a liking to me. He would incessantly text me, always needed to know my whereabouts, and got irrationally angry when I didn’t invite him to hang out. When I broke up with my boyfriend, I lost a sense of protection. This boy persisted and I told my friends I was uncomfortable. I avoided the school bus that he also rode on and contemplated blocking his number. My girl friends said I was being ridiculous – they would kill for a guy to like them this much. He was just being nice. But even though it’d been some time, I still recognized the sinking feeling in my stomach that made my intestines coil up against each other.

            I trust my instincts now. I assume the worst while outside at night. I trained my body to be able to defend itself. Allowing a man to touch my body is a bigger deal to me than he’ll ever understand. Fully trusting a man is a challenge I have yet to achieve.

            And I apologize for that. I’d like to think I’m worth the wait, worth the extra effort, but I also get you may not want the broken girl who has nightmares from elementary school. But I hope to love you one day, and to trust you, and to touch you like none of this ever happened.

                                                                                                        Sincerely,

                                                                                                              Still Frightened 


The creator of this piece has requested to remain anonymous.

C'est pour elles que je marche

J’habite dans un monde

Dans lequel être fille

N’est pas toujours une chose simple.

Et j’ai le cœur brisé quand je pense

Que ma petite sœur, mes petites cousines,

Mes amies, et oui, un jour, mes filles

Auront besoin de s’occuper de leur sexe

Tous les jours de leurs vies.

J’espère que mes petites cousines

N’entendront jamais

Qu’elles ne peuvent pas faire quelque chose

Parce qu’elles sont des filles

Dans la salle de classe ou sur le terrain

Ou au bureau.

J’espère que mes amies seront traitées

Avec respect si elles disent

Qu’elles ont été agressées

Et que personne ne demandera jamais

« Qu’est-ce que tu portais ? »

J’espère que ma petite sœur

N’entendra jamais les insultes

Comme « putain » ou « chienne»

Pour ses choix amoureux ou

Parce qu’elle aime donner les ordres.

C’est pour ces filles que j’adore

Que je continue de lutter.

C’est pour elles que je marche

Vers un meilleur demain.

Je leur dis :

Je vous aime !!! Oh !

Je le dis avec les pavés.

Je suis féministe parce que

Les filles que j’aime  

Méritent le respect du monde.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I live in a world

In which being a girl

Isn’t a simple thing.

And my heart breaks when I think

That my little sister, my young cousins,

My friends, and yes, one day my daughters

Will be concerned with their sex

Every day of their lives.

I hope that my baby cousins

Never hear

That they can’t do something

Because they’re girls

In the classroom or on the field

Or in the office.

I hope that my friends are treated

With respect if they say

They have been harassed

And that no one ever asks

“What were you wearing?”

I hope that my little sister

Never hears insults

Like “whore” or “bitch”

For her choices in her love life or

Because she’s a bit bossy.

It’s for these girls that I love

That I continue to fight.

I march for them

Towards a better tomorrow.

I say to them:

I love you!!! Oh!

I say it with bricks.

I am a feminist because

The girls that I love

Deserve the respect of the whole world.

By Nicole 

This is a poem that I wrote (and will be performing) for a French class about the protests that occurred in May of 1968 in France and the issues that they fought for that are still relevant today.

Top 10 Problematic Rom-Com Relationships

We all know the classic rom-coms with that beautiful ending kiss. But some of these romances we have grown up envious of are problematic and maybe not as admirable as we previously thought.

10. (500) Days of Summer

While not exactly problematic, it’s frustrating that some people don’t realize Tom had ridiculously unrealistic expectations for his girlfriend Summer and their relationship that no woman should have to meet (which is, of course, the point).

9. Love Actually

So many relationships with males in positions of power hitting on their subordinates!

8. Something Borrowed

The relationship is between a woman and her best friend’s fiancé. Enough said. Actually, something else to say – you shouldn’t perpetuate the idea that cheating is okay if the girlfriend is seen as a ‘bitch.’

7. Bridges Jones’s Diary

Although Bridget and Daniel do not end up together, much of the film focuses on this slightly disturbing relationship that started with him inappropriately messaging her at work about her ‘inappropriate’ work clothes.

6. 27 Dresses

Far be it for me to complain about James Marsden (that jawline though!), but he is an awful character. He’s basically like “I’m gonna watch you change in the back of a cab, stalk you, force you to talk to me, seduce you, then publish a newspaper article that completely embarrasses you.” What a catch.

5. Pretty Woman

Well, the lead man hires a prostitute because he can’t find himself a girlfriend. Then he falls for her when he discovers she isn’t a typical hooker – whatever that means.

4. Grease

The basic moral for this relationship is that if you dress and act a certain way, you can get the guy. No matter how cute those leather pants are, Danny is so not worth it!

3. The Notebook

Dear Ryan Gosling, it is not okay for you to threaten killing yourself to get a girl to go out with you. No means no. Also, my definition of a fairy tale relationship isn’t a couple that always fights and slaps each other.

2. 50 First Dates

Using a woman’s brain injury to always know the right thing to say is downright disgusting. No matter how cute your pet penguin is.

1.      Twilight 

Where to begin? Edward is your stereotypical stalker watching a teenage girl sleep but add in supernatural strength and a desire to eat her and you get a super creepy relationship. And that's before we even talk about the sequels. 

This is by no means an all-encompassing list. Comment below if you disagree with any of our choices or if you think we missed some!

By Nicole & Jenna